Just STOP it already!

As someone who has struggled with weight issues most of my life, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to comment on this situation.  I have suffered through years of fat shaming by other girls/women.  All through middle school, high school, and even in college, I was subjected to blatant and humiliating jokes as well as overhearing whispers and cruel comments about my weight.  There was a girl in high school named Kelly Reynolds who seemed to just live to humiliate me and it was absolute torture to run into her every day.  This type of humiliation just invades the self esteem of a person.  It breaks you down and makes you feel like you are not worthy to walk the earth.  Some would call my last statement an exaggeration, but it truly is not.  I found myself apologizing for my very existence at times.  There were few people I truly felt like I could be my real self with and I worked extremely hard to be pleasing in other ways so that I would have something of worth to offer.  I could sing so I fixated on trying to develop that talent so that I was of some value because years of humiliation made me feel as though I was nothing.  It impacted my life on so many levels and in ways that I am not even free to talk about yet.  So two things I notice that I want to point out about this situation.

1.  The woman being shamed is at the gym trying to do something about  her health.  Where is the credit for the fact that she is trying?  We should be applauding and encouraging her. Whoever she is I say, "good job and keep it up!"  It is so sad that even in the midst of trying there are others that will be there to tear a person down.  At least she is naked in a perfectly appropriate and private place.  The same cannot be said for Miss Mathers.

2.  For the most part I have found it to be true that all hate, all nastiness, all criticism is a learned behavior and not something that we naturally do as children. This nastiness starts in the lives of young girls after they overhear their mothers criticizing other people or possibly as they receive criticism from their mothers for being overweight.  Mothers who have an unhealthy obsession with their looks raise daughters that do not have a healthy concept of self worth.  They turn the criticism from their mothers and bestow it on other girls to pass off the hurt they feel.  This can make for some pretty nasty behavior.  Trust me...I see at as a middle school assistant principal all the time.  

So what is my point?  We need to do a better job of teaching acceptance and understanding to our children.  I talk to my girls about healthy eating habits and I warn them of the difficulties that a weight problem can bring, but I don't badger them and I don't make them feel like they are unacceptable if they are a little heavy.  My mother always handled this area with the most sensitivity so I have a good example to follow here.  The other thing is having sensitivity for what people are going through.  My weight issues were a result of some health problems that started in puberty and really resulted from being prescribed a steroid drug for long term use.  The drug had a horrible and long lasting impact on my weight and my body in general.  So not everyone is overweight because of slothful living and we would do well to remember that.  I would ask the mothers out there who teach their daughters in particular to be critical of others, please end the cycle by not fat shaming anyone.  We all have our crosses to bare and unfortunately weight problems are very evident for others to see. I guarantee you that Miss Mathers and every other skinny lady out there have their own issues that are every bit as shameful as those of us who have a weight problem.  Lucky for them it isn't something that they have to wear on the outside for the world to see.  I know that I will battle my weight for the rest of my life, but at least I am still trying to change it. Oh how I wish we lived in a world where people were free enough from their own "stuff" that they would choose to see the good in others instead of the very worst.  What a much nicer world this would be!