An Incredible Heritage

When we are young, whatever family scenario we are born into seems like the norm.  It is only upon growing up and seeing the world from many perspectives do we learn that family has many connotations and takes on many different designs.  Our first definition of family forms around us from a very young age.  In my early world, family encompassed quite a large group of people.  It included Grandparents, great Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, great Aunts and Uncles and cousins of the first, second, and third generation.  It was an incredible heritage of a large and loving family circle that provided me with incredible roots and stability.  I have always known so much love throughout my life and only now as I am in “mid-life” do I fully understand the incredible blessing of such a heritage.  In having to face the very sad experience of letting go of a beloved cousin, I was reminded that we are rich in so many ways.  We were all sad and hurting at this loss, but we were all there together, loving on each other, holding each other up, sharing memories, and sharing the love that is our heritage.  I know that my cousin Beth would have loved the gathering yesterday because she so loved family.  What a tribute to Beth that she brought us all together and reminded us of the incredible heritage of love that we have as a family.  It was a gift in the midst of such sadness and one that I want to do a better job of treasuring in the future.  To my family circle that has loved me and supported me all of my life, I love you and I am so grateful for the comfort and love of each of you as we do this thing called "life" together.

Just STOP it already!

As someone who has struggled with weight issues most of my life, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to comment on this situation.  I have suffered through years of fat shaming by other girls/women.  All through middle school, high school, and even in college, I was subjected to blatant and humiliating jokes as well as overhearing whispers and cruel comments about my weight.  There was a girl in high school named Kelly Reynolds who seemed to just live to humiliate me and it was absolute torture to run into her every day.  This type of humiliation just invades the self esteem of a person.  It breaks you down and makes you feel like you are not worthy to walk the earth.  Some would call my last statement an exaggeration, but it truly is not.  I found myself apologizing for my very existence at times.  There were few people I truly felt like I could be my real self with and I worked extremely hard to be pleasing in other ways so that I would have something of worth to offer.  I could sing so I fixated on trying to develop that talent so that I was of some value because years of humiliation made me feel as though I was nothing.  It impacted my life on so many levels and in ways that I am not even free to talk about yet.  So two things I notice that I want to point out about this situation.

1.  The woman being shamed is at the gym trying to do something about  her health.  Where is the credit for the fact that she is trying?  We should be applauding and encouraging her. Whoever she is I say, "good job and keep it up!"  It is so sad that even in the midst of trying there are others that will be there to tear a person down.  At least she is naked in a perfectly appropriate and private place.  The same cannot be said for Miss Mathers.

2.  For the most part I have found it to be true that all hate, all nastiness, all criticism is a learned behavior and not something that we naturally do as children. This nastiness starts in the lives of young girls after they overhear their mothers criticizing other people or possibly as they receive criticism from their mothers for being overweight.  Mothers who have an unhealthy obsession with their looks raise daughters that do not have a healthy concept of self worth.  They turn the criticism from their mothers and bestow it on other girls to pass off the hurt they feel.  This can make for some pretty nasty behavior.  Trust me...I see at as a middle school assistant principal all the time.  

So what is my point?  We need to do a better job of teaching acceptance and understanding to our children.  I talk to my girls about healthy eating habits and I warn them of the difficulties that a weight problem can bring, but I don't badger them and I don't make them feel like they are unacceptable if they are a little heavy.  My mother always handled this area with the most sensitivity so I have a good example to follow here.  The other thing is having sensitivity for what people are going through.  My weight issues were a result of some health problems that started in puberty and really resulted from being prescribed a steroid drug for long term use.  The drug had a horrible and long lasting impact on my weight and my body in general.  So not everyone is overweight because of slothful living and we would do well to remember that.  I would ask the mothers out there who teach their daughters in particular to be critical of others, please end the cycle by not fat shaming anyone.  We all have our crosses to bare and unfortunately weight problems are very evident for others to see. I guarantee you that Miss Mathers and every other skinny lady out there have their own issues that are every bit as shameful as those of us who have a weight problem.  Lucky for them it isn't something that they have to wear on the outside for the world to see.  I know that I will battle my weight for the rest of my life, but at least I am still trying to change it. Oh how I wish we lived in a world where people were free enough from their own "stuff" that they would choose to see the good in others instead of the very worst.  What a much nicer world this would be!

Who gets the glory?

While my husband has offered this same wisdom to me for years, it took some wisdom from a stranger for me to truly acknowledge that I do put people on pedestals.  We all see celebrities and royalty as people who are set apart from the rest, but should they be held in such high esteem?  I have my celebrity crushes as much as the next person, but I have never seen that “crush” as placing that celebrity in God’s place. 

In the book Wild and Free, the author states that, “as we’re thinking about glory and trying to understand the concept, we don’t have to look too far into our own world.  Let’s take a moment to look at people in our culture who get glory.  Politicians, celebrities, Christian pastors and leaders, and reality TV stars.  We ascribe some sort of reverence to them, varying with how well-known they are and how potentially successful they are.  We like to see into their daily lives through social media or pictures, but for the most part we realize that they are incredibly set apart.”  “Essentially when we set aside our human celebrities and leaders, we consecrate them, but this is for God – He is the only one truly worthy of being set aside and honored and put on a pedestal to worship.”

The part that convicted me is twofold.  The first place where I felt guilt was in the recognition of “Christian pastors and leaders” as a category of people we exalt.  The second part was the reality that only God should be set aside and honored in this way.  We live in a society that tells us this type of exaltation of others is acceptable.  We have always accepted the eccentric desire of some celebrities to be exalted, but what about the clergy?  I was struck with two thoughts here:

I have exalted clergymen in the past myself.  I have placed them on a pedestal and worshiped them in a way that was meant only for God.  I will admit that it happened more frequently when I was a youth and as one who lost her father at 12, I was always searching for a male to fill that role, even if only from afar.  I have a tendency to still let myself go in this direction at times, but it usually revolves around holding up one as a standard bearer in viewing another.  Again that whole last sentence has to do with judgment so it isn’t much better, but let’s just say that Frank Cox is my ideal Pastor and Keith McBroom will always be my ideal Music Minister.  At least I recognize that I still have work to do in this area. 

We have several clergy who put themselves in this exalted position and this is far scarier to me.  While a Pastor has to choose carefully who they have deep associations with, they are called as we all are to love and minister to even the least of these.  There is an attitude that has started to pervade the modern church movement where the Pastor is seen as untouchable and in fact is completely unapproachable.  The Pastor sees himself as set apart and eventually starts living the self- fulfilling prophecy of local celebrity.  Essentially...they believe the hype that others put out there about them. Without naming names, just try to get an appointment for counseling with the Pastor of certain churches and even as a member of the church you may well be turned down.  This saddens me as do many other changes that I see in the men who are shepherding the flock these days. 

My final thought is one of thanksgiving for my current Pastor.  He shepherds the flock well and I am thankful for the way he serves the Lord.  He loves the people of his congregation and he makes that known in actions and in words.  I know that Pastors have huge demands placed on their time and they have to protect their family life and sanity time, but a Pastor that has no accountability of time, that refuses to counsel parishioners, that doesn’t see the need to minister to his entire flock should give us pause.  Of course this is just my spin on things.