Alone in a room full of people...

Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people?  It is a regular occurrence for me.  My whole life I have always felt as though I just didn't fit in.  It has been a long time since I had a "bestie" that I talked to on the phone every day and shared all of my secrets with.  While my husband is a best friend, there are just too many things that he is a man about when it comes to understanding the complexities of the female world.  Emotion drives him crazy and tears are not one of his favorite things.  So I go back to trying to figure out what it is that makes me feel alone?  I have tons of people who would say they are "friends" of mine, but I am very rarely the one that someone calls when they need or want a friend to share things with.  Am I too guarded?  Am I too outspoken?  Am I always trying to fix things instead of just listening?  What is it that makes me the one who has a room full of acquaintances, but still a feeling of being very alone?  Do I put off an air of being over confident, because in truth I am very insecure.  I am really striving to figure it out because I see my girls doing some of the same things and I wonder if it is my example they are following.  Wishing I had a bestie about now...to share these crazy feelings with.

It really is my choice...

So I have been licking my wounds for the past few weeks, but I am ready to move on.  It is funny what will come up and slap you right in the face as a reason to move on.  This time it is a very sweet young woman in my small group.  She is in her barely twenties and was recently diagnosed with cancer.  I was so humbled by her first email to tell us all about her diagnosis.  She had only known about her diagnosis for a few hours when she comforted all of us with the reminder that her God is the same God with cancer as He was the day  before she knew about the cancer.  She reminded me that everything is a matter of perspective and we have a choice to make as we navigate this world.  It isn't a grand playground of wonderful experiences all of the time.  In fact, there are moments of pure joy tucked into hours of pure monotony and minutes of pure misery.  The only thing that changes that fact is the attitude I choose.  So if my sweet friend can take cancer with a resounding faith, then I surely should be able to move on from a broken dream and focus on other dreams.  I am thinking now about my girls and how I want to focus more energy on being a better parent.  Any of you who have run into Jenna lately know that I have my hands full with that one.  Kindergarten is coming fast and furious and I am not sure we are ready for it or should I say I am not sure kindergarten is ready for Jenna.  It is going to be a wild ride! Stay tuned for some entertaining stories coming up!