My girls have unfortunately known that death is a part of life from their earliest beginnings. My father passed away when I was twelve years old, and my girls have grown up hearing me talk about him. Even though it was a long time ago, Bob Evans remains very alive in my thoughts and in my memory. I have always spoken of him to Julia and Jenna and shown them pictures of our family, but they have been too young to do much more than that. I decided that this summer was the right time to take them out to his grave and to open their minds to who he was a little more than just stories or those times of the year when I am sad and my husband whispers to them, "Mommy misses her Daddy." I decided to make it a craft experience and devote a whole day to his memory. I told the girls this morning that we were going to go to the craft store and buy all the things we needed to make a flower arrangement for their grandfather. They both agreed that blue was a good color. I picked out the hydrangeas, Julia picked the tall flowers, and Jenna picked out the filler flowers around the bottom. We came home and made the flower arrangement and I talked to them about why he was so special to me. Both girls were quiet and respectful as I spoke of how much their grandfather would have loved them. They asked questions that I think they have been wanting to ask me for a long time. In their minds were deep fears that they could possibly lose their own father as I had lost mine. I took this opportunity to reassure them that their Daddy was very healthy and let's face it..."too stubborn" to die. They laughed about that and then walked the flowers out to Daddy's grave with me. Jenna was very quiet and reflective. She looked at the grave for a long time and didn't really say anything. Julia felt compelled to say a few words to her grandfather and she asked me if it was silly to talk to him. We placed the flowers and spoke our few words to him. We lingered there for a little while until it felt right to leave. It wasn't a big emotional scene or anything, but I really think that their grandfather is less of a mystery to them now. This experience gave them the opportunity to truly contemplate who he was and why their mother "misses her Daddy" sometimes. It is not a daily pain anymore, but it is always there in the recesses. I wish Daddy could have known my girls. He would have adored Julia's gentle, sweet nature and he would have been completely fascinated with the little firecracker that is my Jenna. My two girls seemed to instinctively know that there was something sacred about this experience. Julia demonstrated a very clear understanding that her grandfather was in heaven and that she would meet him someday. As we walked away from his grave and went back to the car, Julia said "goodbye grandfather." I whispered, "I love you Daddy," and walked away with a smile. If he could look down on us, he most certainly was grinning. I drove away from the cemetery with an extreme sense of peace that I had done something very right as a mother by sharing my Daddy with my girls.
My girls have unfortunately known that death is a part of life from their earliest beginnings. My father passed away when I was twelve years old, and my girls have grown up hearing me talk about him. Even though it was a long time ago, Bob Evans remains very alive in my thoughts and in my memory. I have always spoken of him to Julia and Jenna and shown them pictures of our family, but they have been too young to do much more than that. I decided that this summer was the right time to take them out to his grave and to open their minds to who he was a little more than just stories or those times of the year when I am sad and my husband whispers to them, "Mommy misses her Daddy." I decided to make it a craft experience and devote a whole day to his memory. I told the girls this morning that we were going to go to the craft store and buy all the things we needed to make a flower arrangement for their grandfather. They both agreed that blue was a good color. I picked out the hydrangeas, Julia picked the tall flowers, and Jenna picked out the filler flowers around the bottom. We came home and made the flower arrangement and I talked to them about why he was so special to me. Both girls were quiet and respectful as I spoke of how much their grandfather would have loved them. They asked questions that I think they have been wanting to ask me for a long time. In their minds were deep fears that they could possibly lose their own father as I had lost mine. I took this opportunity to reassure them that their Daddy was very healthy and let's face it..."too stubborn" to die. They laughed about that and then walked the flowers out to Daddy's grave with me. Jenna was very quiet and reflective. She looked at the grave for a long time and didn't really say anything. Julia felt compelled to say a few words to her grandfather and she asked me if it was silly to talk to him. We placed the flowers and spoke our few words to him. We lingered there for a little while until it felt right to leave. It wasn't a big emotional scene or anything, but I really think that their grandfather is less of a mystery to them now. This experience gave them the opportunity to truly contemplate who he was and why their mother "misses her Daddy" sometimes. It is not a daily pain anymore, but it is always there in the recesses. I wish Daddy could have known my girls. He would have adored Julia's gentle, sweet nature and he would have been completely fascinated with the little firecracker that is my Jenna. My two girls seemed to instinctively know that there was something sacred about this experience. Julia demonstrated a very clear understanding that her grandfather was in heaven and that she would meet him someday. As we walked away from his grave and went back to the car, Julia said "goodbye grandfather." I whispered, "I love you Daddy," and walked away with a smile. If he could look down on us, he most certainly was grinning. I drove away from the cemetery with an extreme sense of peace that I had done something very right as a mother by sharing my Daddy with my girls.
