What about the times I really don't want to...
So we are to praise God in all things, the good and bad. We are to have faith in the bigger plan that we cannot see most of the time. We are to surrender our triumphs and our sufferings and allow God to work through us. What about the times when we really don't want to praise him? What about times where our lack of understanding in the bigger plan makes us uncertain and angry? What do we do when we feel like the situation is too painful to surrender?
These questions have been heavy on my mind this past week. It is incredibly hard to find God's touch when our circumstances are painful. Friday a week ago, my Uncle David went to be with the Lord. I watched as my sweet grandmother buried another son and it felt so unfair. I watched as my cousin faced the loss of a father she adored. I watched as my Aunt tried to come to terms with a new reality without her beloved. It was intense and incredibly painful. It is a pain I am more familiar with than I want to be because this particular loss took me right back to 12 years old when I lost my Dad. It wasn't any easier this time around.
Sunday morning I woke up to learn that sweet Sara had lost her battle with cancer. This amazing woman sacrificed for everyone around her. Both of her parents lived into their 90's due to her tender care so it is no embellishment to say that Sara was robbed of about 30 years. I watched a devoted husband of 45 years face his first days without his sweet wife. I watched three siblings grieve as the heart light of their home was extinguished. I felt my own sadness at the loss of this wonderful woman. I felt anger at the goodbye that none of us wanted to say.
I tried to reason out why two loved ones would go in less than 48 hours of each other. I questioned the timing and felt frustrated by all of it. I allowed my mind to hang out in that place for several days. Now...I choose to praise God anyway. I choose to have faith in God's plan anyway. I choose to surrender my hurt to Him yet again. I really don't want to begin living again...but the one thing we all must cling to in times like these is the fact that God is in control! Acknowledge Him. Praise Him. Surrender to Him. Do it even when you don't want to and He will be faithful. I am claiming His promises today for myself and many others who are doing it with broken hearts, but doing it out of faith...and doing it anyway.
